Still Going - Still Positive

Sometimes you think you are on the upward climb and then you find your in a double dip recession!!!  but that's no reason to lose hope, hope it seems costs nothing staying positive costs nothing but it can be difficult.

Just as I started to get better I decided to take some time off work purely to focus on getting back out on my bike and giving me a nice reset.  I had begun to notice that my urine was getting darker but didn't feel unwell so thought nothing of it..

Part way through my holiday I had agreed to visit another University with some of my colleagues to explore why they had chosen a particular vendor in their network refresh.  We drove up on a 3hr drive, I started to feel uncomfortable, this continued throughout the day but I didn't say anything.  I got back to the hotel went to the loo and I was essentially urinating blood.

Trying not to panic I phoned the 111 for advice and they told me they would refer me to a nurse, she then said she would consult with a doctor and call me back.  I met my colleagues at a little restraunt just outside the hotel and explained that I had a little problem and was waiting for a call back from the doctor.

Low and behold I was told to go into the hospital,  the staff their were great and they xrayed me etc.. and said that I had kidney stones...  They admitted me because they wanted to make sure it wasn't anything more severe as they wouldn't expect that much blood.  Being as bloody minded as I am I wasn't about to spend any length of time in hospital in a strange city so I discharged myself promising that I would see my doctor straight away.

I saw my doctor and they made an appointment (2 weeks away...)  About a day after i started to experience severe pain similar to my recent brush with Gallstones and losing my gall bladder.  I attended A&E under advice and they confirmed kidney stones and sent me home with a letter for the doctor.  This kind of repeated until I had the mother of all attacks which was agonising in a way that was hard to describe, the nearest I could think of was a mouth full of teeth every one with toothache stuffed in my left side and then someone poking them with a piece of tin foil.

I should mention that during one of my visits to A&E late at night it was so crowded and I was in so much pain I was feeling nauseous i was standing rather than sitting, when i felt dizzy, I was stood by an open room which had two couches in and a small table with magazines no sign on the door and it was open.  I went in lay on the couch for a second and the pain really kicked in, the receptionist a young lad came over and told me that I couldn't lie down and had to go to the seats in the waiting room, I told him I was in too much pain.

he fetched a nurse i explained what was wrong and she said how did he get here to the receptionist who said I walked in and she said well he can walk out then this is for grieving people??? again no sign on the door ..  She then said to her colleague that I was just trying to get ahead of the queue.. I doubt she will read this but "you have no right being a nurse you complete bitch" I wasn't aggressive loud or argumentative I was just in some of the most severe pain I have ever experienced and vulnerable.

There were people watching I was so humiliated and weak I forced myself up and literally dragged myself out of A&E called my friend who came and picked me up.  I sat down outside and was told I couldn't even sit there so I was made to go over to the grass on the other side of the road I felt like a criminal and just could not understand why I was treated like that.  I spent a night of agony till an appointment the next day with the urologist who admitted me.   Needless to say I have put a formal complaint in and I am awaiting the results, I described what had happened and the other staff were genuinely shocked. 

The A&E staff are normally wonderful people patient understanding and kind which is my normal experience with them the nurse who dealt with me brings nothing but shame on her profession.

They kept me in because my kidney function deteriorated and then let me go again as it started to improve,  I then had another really bad attack and they tried to remove the main culprit with ultrasound this didn't work at all and the consultant said I would need a stent as a temporary measure until they could get a space for me to have a procedure (almost 6 weeks away) that involved passing a laser up through the last place in the world I want anything to go in and through my bladder into my kidney this would stop the kidney stone pain but would likely lead to some bleeding and being uncomfortable.


Well the day of my op arrived and low and behold they came to see me and said they weren't going to give me the stent as a spot had opened up so the following morning they were going to go in and laser the kidney stone HURRAH!  Unfortunately the operation went wrong, when they went in my kidney was in my consultants words "full of puss" it was infected and to make it worse they had accidentally put a hole in my uretera...  they had put a stent in and I would have to keep it for 6-8 weeks untill they try the op again.

So I have had the stent for about a week now, it's painful uncomfortable and it interferes with just about everything.  I was starting to feel pretty miserable then I thought:

1. imagine if I had been born 100 yrs ago I would likely be dead from this.
2. My close mates have been amazing
3. My family have been great
4. Work have been supportive
5. I will get better it's only temporary
6. I have dealt with worse
7. I have experienced worse pain
8. I lost a stone in hospital "seriously a stone"
9. I could be the complete Jerk and the Nurse at A&E reception who were humiliating imagine being that kind of person.

So that made me feel way more positive, I am faced with weeks of pain/discomfort but what the hell it's just another hill to cycle up so im dropping into a lower gear putting my head down and grinding for a while....  

Sometimes being positive is as simple as saying bugger it this is not going to stop me!