Apologies up front for the following, it's not related to cycling other than the willpower to keep going and in the main it's just me putting my rambling morphine interrupted thoughts down with no coheerent planning, so if what I am writing is disjointed or illogical poke away and make as much fun as you like I could do with the amusement!
It's been kind of a rough year since I got back from my tour last year. I went down with gallstones and spent a long time in hospital and recovering. Just when I have started to feel better and begin cycling again I have gone down with kidney stones which are very painful.
So once again i find myself sat in a hospital bed, a drip in one arm and the other arm looking like a pin cushion. Frustrated at not being at work and just general frustration of not being in control.
I don't like letting people down and I guess that not being at work, not being able to do things I said I would is just another source of frustration. No matter how many times people tell me it's fine or that I should focus on getting better I still just don't like being held back, I guess it's the stubborn part of me.
It's times like this that I just try and dig in, keep going and try not to come to a complete halt, starting from a standstill is a lot harder than starting when you are already moving. So I try and keep up to date with my emails, research what I can and generally think of ways to keep on top of things from my bed.
it's a trite saying that there are always people worse off than you... trundled out to make people feel better etc.. but in the last few weeks two firends have gone down with cancer, one has testicular cancer and he is only 22 but amazingly positive about the whole thing and his future, the other is much older and has already battled through incredible odds in his life and is one of natures fighters all the way. So I keep saying to myself there really are people worse off and you know them!
so in the end I am staying positive so life can throw at me what it wants because I will still be standing, someone at work said to me the other day that I "seemed to be having a hell of a time" and I replied do you know why I am so big? "it's because it takes more than one torpedo to sink a battleship".
I am also thinking about the whole leave europe thing as I am firmly in the Brexit camp, I won't bore you with the details of why but I read an article yesterday about sports direct and the incredible indignity and selfish practices the company has heaped upon it's staff and then saw a headline which simply said "this is what britain could look like if we left the EU".
I work for a wonderful organisation a University and they are supportive and moral as it is possible for anything that is essentially bricks mortar and policies lead by various people at one point or another. That makes me incredibly lucky and well cared for in the grand scheeme of things, it makes me "privelaged" am I ready to sacrifice the protection to those less privelaged low income workers in this country that Europe provides??? I'ts a tough question because I simply don't trust any politician currently so if we left the EU could I trust them to look after the workers interests to the same level?
I have never minded paying taxes as long as the less fortunate and the less able in society are well cared for, I think a lot of that "morality" will disapear if we leave Europe it all seems to be getting to harsh and uncaring of late...
I asked someone once what they did and they said I am only a cleaner as if that somehow made them less than others in the workplace, I have always had a view and will always hold it, If you are working and being a productive member of society or trying to be in work then you can hold your head up with equality in any company, what you do does not matter all that matters is that you are doing something that is all socieity has the right to ask, after that it's all about how hard you work to achieve your ambitions, I do feel that being in Europe assures this, I don't yet know how we will assure it in leaving the EU.
well ramble over, I have reminded myself that my problems are very insignificant in the grand scheeme of things so I am feeling bettter already.