Saturday, 3 January 2015

Lemmings - Bike Horns - Pedestrians & Responses

In 1958 a disney documentary called the White Wilderness aparently filmed the mass suicide of Lemmings jumping into the sea, which spawned the whole myth of suicidal lemmings.  In fact the filmakers staged the suicide by forcing the poor little blighters into the sea...  The myth was so strong that it has  outlived the documentary in peoples memories and even spawned a popular series of computer games.

LOOK!  I am not depressed
So what has this got to do with pedestrians or bike horns??  Read on!!  Anyone who has had to ride their bike along a high street or canal path will recognise the following pedestrian/Lemming types:

TYPE 1 - Living in a dreamworld or on my mobile phone

This type of pedestrian is simply not paying attention to the world around them typically stepping straight out onto a road because they haven't heard a car engine, I wonder what will happen to these people when cars are mainly electric...

TYPE 2 - I am looking at you but I don't care

These are the most annoying type for me, they look straight at you and then step out anyway somehow believeing they have more right of way than anyone else and you should brake as soon as you see any pedestrian (You can usually find the about 10 ft away from a zebra crossing).

TYPE 3 - Simply arrogant

These ones literally step out in front and slow down on purpose to force you to brake, then  fire a string of expletives... usually young males or lycra wearing chavettes.

Pedestiran Responses:  It is kind of funny that I find the rudenes of responses seem to be follow a gausian curve that starts off getting ruder above 8 yrs old peaking around at around the age of 55 then getting streadily nice  again (based on my own experiences).  There are some regional variations with city hotspots and very protective mothers who strangely only become protoctive the minute their offspring walk in front of a bike, up until then they seem strangely unconcerned with them or what danger they may be in....

To Bell or Not to Bell:

Let me start by informing/reminding that having a bell on your bike is not a legal requirment - despite what an experienced cycling friend believes vehemently and several pedestrian lawyers have informed me (the latest who also stated that bikes aren't allowed on canal paths)???

I used to ride without a bell prefering a heartfelt "Good Morning" or "Excuse me" however I often got mumbled "get a bell" or other comments.  After a lecture by a fellow cyclist I put a bell back on and this was even less effective, people just seemed to ignore them..   My solution was to fit a 120db bike horn so far it has had a 100 percent success rate in alerting people and has a similarly wonderful effect on aggressive dogs.

I still prefer to give a hearty "good morning" but if I get no response a blast on the horn does the job, that's my solution.

For those disbelievers out there think of all of the comments you hear about cyclists, drivers etc.. should pay more attention well so should pedestrians!

Some Humor to End it All (just the blog im not planning to ride off a cliff  - ALA Lemming)

And here's some stock answers for various insults thrown my way by pedestrians (I am thinking of getting these made onto a card to hand out) Please don't read if you have no sense of humour or easily shocked:

  1. Yes I do pay road tax
    1.  two lots actually - Car and Motorbike
    2. There is no such thing as Road Tax it was abolished in 1937 - the tax you pay on your vehicle is for emmisions not for the roads - we all pay for the roads (go on argue your way out of that one)
  2. Yes I am a good driver - I passed my advanced motorbike riding (Im not perfect but I do my best)
  3. No I am not blind just because I didn't anticipate you stepping in front of me
  4. No I don't think all cyclists are right, it's a case by case basis... if you are wrong you are wrong whatever the vehicle even if its your own two feet.
  5. No my mother didn't do any of the things you are referring too (she is , she was an angel and scowling at you from Heaven) YES YOU!
  6. Yes I have made mistakes plenty of them, but I try to admit them and not follow them with a threat or string of expletives.
  7. Yes I do have a life - fairly varied 
  8. No im not a virgin
  9. No I am not gay but I am pretty sure that wouldn't have anything to do with my cycling or why I occasionaly wear Lycra.  
    1. Response to female:  No but after 5 min in your company I am seeing the positives.
    2. Response to male: No but I have a single mate I am sure you would be just his type if your lonely.
  10. My bike is allowed on a train, look I have a ticket and everything
  11. No I am not trying to kill you, if I was I promise you wouldn't hear me coming and my weapon of choice would not be a bike.
  12.  Start what, my bike doesn't have an engine why would I want to start anything... ohhh start on you.. do you have an engine???
  13. !$!$!anker - yes as often as possible, but always in private and never on my bike (well almost never)
  14. Yes I do think im funny but only in an ameteur way I am not a comedian or anything.
  15. Of course my bike has brakes, discs actually very good at stopping me when I have at least as much time as it takes my synapses to recieve an impulse from my brain.
  16. Yes I do have a brain - I can read, count and everyfink
  17. No im not allowed on pavements permanently (that's to road users) who politely ask me to get off the roads.
  18. ^%$^&%$astard - How did you know??? Yes I was born out of wedlock, still it never held me back and they didn't send mom to the mental asylum so it's all good really.
  19. *(&^*(&uck off - as soon as you move out of the way sweetie.
  20. How much room do I need? 
    1. To a male:  Not as much as your ego
    2. To a female: Not as much as your fat.... (insert appendage of choice) special note this has even more effect on thin women - watch they will often check out their behinds to make sure they haven't suddenly grown since putting on a size 7 pair of leopord skin lycras.
  21. No I don't need to get a real vehicle, I own two of them a car and a motorbike.. the bicycle I am on is not a real vehicle it's invisible same one the hair bears used to ride.

1 comment:

  1. Good replies. Will try and remember these for the appropriate occasion.